14 “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. – Matthew 5:14-16 (NIV)
Have you been living in darkness? I was once too! So keep reading…hope this will help you.
Three years ago, my once peaceful and seemingly perfect life started rock and rolling.
I was a pretty perfect girl. A responsible, hardworking, God-fearing type of person. Sounds perfect, right? Hmmm…sounds deceiving. I almost believe I was, but I never was. Of course, nobody’s perfect…very elementary.
When I said, I almost believe I was perfect, (remember I said “almost” not “totally” perfect) it’s because I thought that the person I was once could never go terribly wrong. But of course, I was wrong. Lesson? Never assume.
Just because I thought I know myself fully, I immediately made an assumption that yes, I could never do something foolish. I used to believe on this assuming fact, until something happened.
Being far from home made me sick that I turned to someone for refuge. And so I get caught in a forbidden relationship. At first there was excitement and happiness. But when the “thing” came into the light, my doomsday began.
It was such a shame! Shame to me because I made a very wrong choice to enter into hell. Blame me for it…I would humbly accept, and I already paid my price.
But you know what, I realize that despite my bitchy side, there is still plenty of goodness in me. Because during that moment, all I did was praying for it to be over.
Recounting the past, I feel so helpless then. I often cried…but of course not letting other people see. All those times, I am masquerading myself with plastic smiles, but I am rotten inside. All I know is I didn’t know myself anymore. I was a stranger to me.
It was really a battle between good and evil. And my prayers helped a lot. It was at that moment, that I even more realized the goodness of God for me. For He never abandoned me. Yes, I was a sinner, but God loves me so much despite my being a sinner.
God made a perfect exit plan for me. And so I surrendered and follow His will. But it wasn’t easy. That experience cost me a lot. There was so much pain, hatred, regrets, and all sorts of negative feelings altogether. Truly the price of sin is suffering. A suffering that no one can see and feel, but yourself alone.
So you think, that was over? I also thought…but I was wrong again. Because I repeated the same mistake twice or thrice. I was really sick. Something was really wrong about me. Perhaps, a sin is addicting. I used to blame it to my psychological need and all sorts of excuses. But after all, it boils down to me. To my wrong choices in life.
I came out very confused about myself. I am aware that it was wrong, but I still did it. And my conscience is killing me. A priest once said, God speak to you through your conscience. So I listened to Him intently, I prayed, and asked His guidance. Ultimately I surrendered myself to Him.
God miraculous hands, worked again in my life. And finally, I surpass that challenge. I am still not perfect, but am working on with God to make my life worthwhile.
Yes, it is impossible to live a perfect blemish-free life. But it doesn’t mean, we would stop trying. The idea of darkness might be alluring, but there is nothing more peaceful than living in the light. As the day come and goes, don’t just sleep and live in the darkness of the night; but rejoice in the morning light for a new day of your life.